|WHITCHURCH UNITED: KRUSHA!|
I've decided to change my field of work. Enough of barely scraping by working for The Man. I'm striking out on my own. It's the only way I'm ever going to have a chance of getting rich. Enough of the crushing clockwatching tick-tock-tedium of 9 to 5. My dreams are going to become real!
In September, I shall be opening a new tattoo parlour on Shirley High Street. I'm going to call it "I TA-TA-TATTOO Ü". To this end, I've been interviewing potential tattooists. This afternoon, a lad called Ryan called in. I asked him to show me what he could do by giving me a temporary tattoo on my forearm. I drew a roller in my notebook and instructed him to add a wolf to the face of the roller. I sat back, closed my eyes, and let him get on with it.
I must have dozed off, because an hour later, I opened my eyes, glanced down, and this is what I saw:
|Is that a toilet roll?!|
But life goes on, and my next task before the grand opening of I TA-TA-TATTOO Ü is to create an online catalogue of potential tattoos for my future customers. The market for mystical beasts, tribal symbols, messages of love, English roses, upside-down crosses, burning skulls, etc, is well saturated, especially in Shirley, so I needed an original angle.
I decided to try and create a new market for football club groundsmen. Wouldn't they just love a "sleeve" full of rusty rollers, turf prodders and line-marking equipment? I decided to look through my photos from the second half of last season for inspiration for the catalogue, and I think I've come up with a few winners.
Firstly, the life model for my own forearm mistake was Whitchurch United's fairly standard, but effective roller. I've called it KRUSHA! in the catalogue. It's a simple, classic design. For a few quid extra, we can add a wolf to the face of the roller...
|HAMBLE CLUB: COCKALORUM.|
|BANSTEAD ATHLETIC: SAUCY BOY.|
|UPHAM FC: THE WICHITA ROPEMAN.|
It's a fairly complicated design, so it will be one of our more expensive tattoos. However, if you love both rope roller-uppers and country music, we're absolutely sure you'll love this!
|COWES SPORTS: DIRTY DEN.|
|SELSEY FC: THE GOOSEBERRY.|
|ARUNDEL FC: THE CRUNCHY BAT.|
|FORDINGBRIDGE TURKS: RICHTER PREDATOR 65.|
And in case you were wondering...No, Ryan didn't get the job.
If you'd like to see more rusty roller pictures, follow this link: Rollers etc.